Marc-André has been assistant director of a 120-employee private school for a year. A respected, well-liked teacher, he had a warm relationship with his colleagues. Since his promotion, he wants to preserve that quality of relationship at all costs — and it's precisely that desire that's undermining his effectiveness as a manager.

Marc-André says yes to almost every request. He approves leave that goes beyond established policy, grants schedule accommodations that create inequities, and stops enforcing several policies he considers "too rigid." When a teacher pushes back on a decision from senior leadership, he consistently validates the frustration without ever defending the institutional position.

The consequences pile up quietly. Absenteeism at the school has risen 30% since his appointment. Two parents file formal complaints about declining teaching quality. The general director calls him in to say his management style is "putting the school's accreditation and parents' trust at risk." Marc-André is stunned: he thought he was a well-loved manager. He discovers that being liked and being effective are two different goals.

💬 The Eskalon moment

His question to Eskalon goes straight to the heart of the problem: "I struggle to turn down requests from my colleagues because I want to maintain good relationships. How do I make sure I'm both fair and firm, without losing their trust?" The answer starts with a key distinction: popularity is an immediate emotion, credibility is a judgment built over time. A manager who always says yes is liked in the short term, but not respected — and not followed when things get hard.

Eskalon gives him concrete phrasing for responding to requests in three moves: acknowledge the request and the motivation behind it, explain the institutional constraints, and offer an alternative when possible. A way to say no with warmth while still holding a non-negotiable line.

The impact of this reframing shows up over time: Marc-André keeps the relational warmth that defines him, but it now rests on a consistency that inspires trust rather than a compliance that erodes standards. Absenteeism stops climbing, institutional policies become predictable for everyone again, and Marc-André discovers that a respected manager, in the long run, is infinitely more solid than a simply well-liked one.